if you can answer half of this youre definitely a genuis

Here Are 21 Jokes So Clever You Probably Won't Get Them. #10 Is Perfection
Humor is subjective. No matter how funny you think something is, if you say it in a room full of people, not everyone will laugh. (Unless you're me, of course.) There's nothing wrong with them or you, they just might not like what you have to say. If you don't like the jokes below, either you think they're too nerdy... or you just didn't get them. (That's okay, though.) These intelligent jokes are so clever, most people won't get them on their first (second or third) read-through. I hope you get them, though.


1.) It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally.

2.) Who is this Rorschach guy? … and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

3.) A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

4.) René Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks if he wants anything. … René says, “I think not,” then disappears.

5.) Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

6.) Yo momma’s so classless… she could be a Marxist utopia.


7.) Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?… He’s 0K now.

8.) An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. … After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.”

9.) Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”

10.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11.) Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”

12.) How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? … Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”


13.) What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.

14.) The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. … Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

15.) There are two types of people in this world:… Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

16.) An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

17.) A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage…. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

18.) Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.

19.) I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

20.) What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?… Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

21.) What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? … …

(H/T Reddit) Even if you only understood half of these jokes, that's more than most people could say! Test your friends by sharing this article. http://www.viralnova.com/intelligent-jokes/

Its everywhere

I realized something crazy today, flipping through a note,a jotter,a diary,a little write up,a piece of paper, you could actually find out a lot about someone. We all tend to think that only less busy,crazy emotional and paranoid individuals have time to sit and write about wassup.
    We criticize and ask what is the point of writing it all down but facts remains that everyone given a pen,pencil, chalk or whatever,in one way or the other actually writes something down,something meaningful about oneself,unknowingly or knowingly, crazy or down to earth,stupid or brilliant.
   Here take for example a student,passing through a student's notebook you see a lot about that person,you might find his school work,drawings,lines of jibbrish(which actually means something if time is taking to ponder upon),and with this less meaningless things you might actually find somethings about the person. Those drawings certainly symbolises something, him or her having his schoolwork shows a lot.
 Come on even a child as young as a toddler is eager to hold a pen just drawing jibbrish across your valuables,everyone does it,in one way or d other,well the point I'm making is that I'm not less busy,not crazy,not too emotional,little paranoid but ok,just because I have time to sit and write down a thing or two about myself is certainly not silly.its actually quitee a charmer to my personality "wink".Lol what do I say I'm just here unselfishly loving me,needed to say it out loud.

PS people ask me why I do this wanted to let them know that everybody does.
                                                                                                    -kaloire

Blac chyna glowing showing off her baby bump

Black chyna looks gorgeous showing off her growing baby bump in new pictures,gray jumpsuit leaning on brown boxes,she's getting ready for her reality show coming up Rob and chyna. She looks good,you go girl.

your fragrance can make you more confident

Your Fragrance Can Make You More Confident
According to science
"Aromas can enhance your mood and change your behavior," says Danielle Fleming, a fragrance expert and founder of Note Fragrances. "Fragrance plays a huge role in how you feel and has the ability to elicit a range or emotions from feeling confident to sexy, happy, relaxed and more." According to one study, 90 percent of women surveyed (ranging from teenagers and up) said they feel more confident when wearing a fragrance compared to when they aren't. That's because your olfactory system (aka your sense of smell) is directly connected to the limbic system, a primitive part of the brain responsible for interpreting memories and emotions.

FRAGRANCE PLAYS A HUGE ROLE IN HOW YOU FEEL."

However, there isn't a one-size-fits all confidence-boosting eau. Here's why: "From a physiological perspective, it's about how you connect to a scent on an emotional level," explains Fleming. And how that plays out is two-fold. The first is how you code the aroma in your brain. Meaning when you smell a fragrance, your brain quickly interprets if it as a pleasant or unpleasant odor (think skunk or rose) and those associations typically reign true for your entire life. The second is how you emotionally connect to an aroma. "How we feel about certain scents goes back to when we are first exposed to it in our early childhood," says Fleming. "As scientists, we believe that you're born with a clean slate in terms of scent preferences but you gain your preference by your first exposure to it or the experience occurring when you first smell it." And it's this aspect that creates the fragrance and confidence connection. Think about it:  if a certain perfume makes you feel amazing whenever you wear it (may be it was the aroma you had on when you rocked a work presentation or grabbed the attention of a date), then in turn, your brain will forever connect it to being all that.  "When you put on a fragrance that you connect to positively, it can instantly make you feel confident and in a great positive mood—I see clients literally light up, stand a little taller and have a smile on their face when it happens," says Fleming.

"WHEN YOU PUT ON A FRAGRANCE THAT YOU CONNECT TO POSITIVELY, IT CAN INSTANTLY MAKE YOU FEEL CONFIDENT
So, how can you know which fragrance will make you feel like you can conquer the world? First, trust your gut and find a scent you love the smell of, says Fleming. "Perfume is really instinctual, which is why perfumers say to smell with your brain, not your nose—your brain works hard to decipher all of this for you and tells you pretty quickly Yeah, I like it or No, I don't." But Fleming does offer this confidence-boosting  cheat sheet. If you naturally tend to be more of an extrovert, look to floral orientals and gourmand notes to "push the boundaries a little bit," she says. (Try an all-over scent such as Caress Mystique Forever Body Wash, which can last up to 12-hours on skin, or a classic eau such as Mugler Alien Eau de Parfum Spray.) If you're more of an introvert, "you want a scent that will make you feel confident but won't draw too much overt attention to yourself," says Fleming, who suggests fresh, clean, aquatic-based fragrances perhaps with a hint of sparkly citrus notes. (Try a perfumed body lotions like  Tom Ford Neroli Portofino Body Moisturizer or a light scent such as Mark Jacobs Cucumber.) Next, simply wear your fragrance of choice whenever you want to bring your A-Game. And just like that, it will become your confidence-boosting scent. /why-your-fragrance-can-make-you-more-confident/#

how to cope with a jealous boyfriend

1. DON’T DEAL
A relationship is supposed to be built on trust.
If your boyfriend is acting jealous without a good reason then maybe the best thing to do is move on to prevent yourself from having to deal with the baggage.
2. ACCEPTING THE ISSUE
Ask yourself if you really love him.
If you do love him and want the relationship to work then you’re going to have to learn to accept his insecurity and find ways to change it.
You’re going to have to accept it considering you knew it before you got too involved.
Accepting it means not yelling or arguing about it with your boyfriend.
3. WHAT IS THE ISSUE?
You can’t fix a problem until you figure out what the problem is!
Why is he jealous?
Did he have a troubled childhood and is needing to feel accepted?
Did he have a bad past relationship and wants to prevent the same things from reoccurring?
Try to find out where the problem lies.
8 Ways To Deal With A Workaholic Boyfriend ...
4. LISTEN TO HIM
With determining the problem you’re going to have to listen.
You’re never going to understand why he is jealous unless you listen to what he has to say.
In turn this will help you learn more about your jealous boyfriend and how to handle his insecurities.
5. TALK ABOUT IT
Arguing is only going to make the situation worst.
He is ultimately jealous due to his fear of you leaving him.
If you express your feelings assertively to him and not aggressively there is a good #chance his attitude will change in your favor.
6. BE OPEN WITH HIM
Don’t hide things from him.
Hiding #things from one another will only create a tension that in turn will cause friction like him being a jealous boyfriend.
It’s always best to be honest and open about how you feel to prevent any surprises or arguments in the future.
7. SET RELATIONSHIP RULES
This works Vice Versa!
Establishing a set of ground rules in a relationship is a good way to allow the other the knowledge of knowing what buttons not to press!
If the couple truly cares about one another and follows the set rules it will prevent a lot of arguments!
8. BUILD HIS CONFIDENCE
Make him feel good about himself!
Hearing compliments from you and understanding that you truly care about him will make him start to feel more confident With his new found confidence he will start to see other situations as less of a threat to his bond with you.
9. INVOLVE HIM
Involve him in your life.
Involving him in more aspects of your life will show him he has no reason to be paranoid
10. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
If you have tried #everything you can think of and all has failed try giving him a dose of his own medicine.
Act jealous for stupid reasons.
After he is showing #signs that you’re actions are bothering him explain to him that’s how you feel when he acts that way.
Maybe then he will see how silly he was acting and change for the better.
11. COMPROMISE
You've heard it before and you'll hear it again: relationships are all about compromise.
Find out what exactly makes him so jealous.
Is it the way you touch other men when you talk to them?
Then you can compromise by still talking to men, but watching your hands when you do so.
12. INTRODUCE TO MALE FRIENDS
If he's worried about you leaving him for one of your guy friends, introduce him to the gang!
Once he gets to know them and watch you interact with them, he'll see that he has nothing to worry about.
Plus, if he becomes a part of the group, then none of your friends will want to hurt him by stealing you away.
13. DON'T HANG OUT WITH MEN ALONE
It's understandable for your boyfriend to be worried about you spending alone time with another man.
If he doesn't want you to go out to a one-on-one dinner with your male friend, invite a few other pals along so that the occasion doesn't seem as intimate.
14. KEEP IN TOUCH
If you're out with other men, always text your boyfriend makes him feel reassured that you always have him in mind  even in the company of others.

kaloire's tale

   Few years ago if you asked me what I wanted to do with my life,I always had the right answers that brought nods of approval from everyone. Everything seemed perfectly planned out,it was like the letters of the alphabet arranged from A-Zwith no full stop or comma.
    If you ask me now what really happened,I have no idea what really happened cause right now I have no answers to such questions of yours cause I haven't answered questions of my heart yet.
  I feel locked up,caged,stuffed down a hole with no where to hide and out of air. My mind is this huge swamp of emptiness filled with hate and anger for what I really don't know, but I think I'm ready to let go cause I'm so tired of holding on to it I'm just tired,truly tired n I really miss old me. I WANT HER BACK

        -kaloire

6 best tips to handle long distance relationship

6 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

Many people believe that long distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.

Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times. However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship.

Long distance relationship may be tough but it has its own surprises too. To keep your love alive and strong, here are the 18 tips to make your long distance relationship work:
1. Avoid excessive communication.



It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

2. See it as a opportunity.

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4


3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.



Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of with each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise. For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

5. Talk dirty with each other.



Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels extra powerless/lacking in control.

Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too./21-best-tips-making-long-distance-relationship-work/

COMEDIAN AKPORORO WEDS JOSEPHINE ABRAHAM

MI gets fooled!

THE BIG FRIDAY SHOW PRANKS Ice Prince

Falz acts as Olamide while Adekunle Gold impersonates Davido on The Bigg...

Davido is being a real Bus Condutor....O>B>O

fitness tips

Curb your sweet tooth
Got a late-night sugar craving that just won't quit? "To satisfy your sweet tooth without pushing yourself over the calorie edge, even in the late night hours, think 'fruit first,'" says Jackie Newgent, RD, author of The Big Green Cookbook. So resist that chocolate cake siren, and instead enjoy a sliced apple with a tablespoon of nut butter (like peanut or almond) or fresh fig halves spread with ricotta. Then sleep sweet, knowing you're still on the right, healthy track.

Find the best fitness friend

A workout buddy is hugely helpful for keeping motivated, but it's important to find someone who will inspire—not discourage. So make a list of all your exercise-loving friends, then see who fits this criteria, says Andrew Kastor, an ASICS running coach: Can your pal meet to exercise on a regular basis? Is she supportive (not disparaging) of your goals? And last, will your bud be able to keep up with you or even push your limits in key workouts? If you've got someone that fits all three, make that phone call.

http://www.health.com/health/m/gallery/0,,20513624_4,00.html

Relieve those achy muscles
After a grueling workout, there's a good chance you're going to be feeling it (we're talking sore thighs, tight calves). Relieve post-fitness aches by submerging your lower body in a cold bath (50 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit; you may have to throw some ice cubes in to get it cold enough) for 10 to 15 minutes. "Many top athletes use this trick to help reduce soreness after training sessions," says Andrew Kastor. And advice we love: "An athlete training for an important race should consider getting one to two massages per month to help aid in training recovery," adds Kastor. Now that's speaking our language!